I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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