I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
