Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
