just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
