Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
