You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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