First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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