what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
