I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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