i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
