he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Randomize
