Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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