So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
