Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
