I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
MIDGETS
????
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
