Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
