Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
