it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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