I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
His nipple licking is glorious
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