i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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