i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Pooping to opera.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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