I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
