Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
