apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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