i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Your dad touched me again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
