You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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