But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
zippers are such a cool invention
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
