we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Randomize
