Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
