Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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