Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
