just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
