I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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