I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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