Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
