Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
