the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
