Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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