i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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