eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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