I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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