It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
