The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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