Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
