I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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