I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You made out with two different species that night
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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