like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
