My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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