We named our party play list daddy issues
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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