In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
